Healthy people know how to resolve conflict
We will argue. Differences of opinion and preference are inevitable. To create great relationships we need to engage in ongoing dialogue to get to know one another; to keep an openness even when we disagree.
Sometimes we will experience grid-lock. In those moments, we either feel explosive, or grow cold and distant. No matter how much we discuss the issue, it remains unresolved. Without good communication skills, people stay hurt and relationships end needlessly.
There are four destroyers of communication
Scientific studies have proven these 4 behaviours destroy relationships:
1) Criticism – Criticism blames or attacks the character of a person. It generalizes with “You always… You never…” and shuts down dialogue without accepting any responsibility for the problem.
2) Defensiveness – In an attempt to ward off a perceived attack we self-protect with two main attitudes of: “How dare you!” (righteous indignation) or “I can’t believe you treat me this way” (innocent victimhood). This builds up a wall toward being able to resolve problems.
3) Contempt – Speaks from a position of superiority using sarcasm, name-calling, eye rolling, mockery and hostile humour. This creates hurt, resentment and distance
4) Stonewalling – Stops talking and withdraws from the interaction because the nervous system is overwhelmed and flooded. We spend longer hours at work or on our own to avoid conflict with our partner.
FACT: Very few relationships survive if we give in to these four negative ways of communication. It’s only a matter of time that the relationship will end.
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TOP 4 PREDICTORS OF DIVORCE – Anderson Cooper & Dr. John Gottman
The 5-1 Ratio – Turning toward one another is essential
Dr. John Gottman, a leading researcher, spent over 40 years studying relationships and developed methods that are proven to work. He discovered that people who experience lasting and meaningful relationships have a ratio of at least five-to-one positive to negative interactions.
So, in order to succeed in your relationship, you will need to be increase your positive interactions.
This means giving one another your attention, enjoying companionship, having fun and providing support. These are the foundation for emotional connection, trust and true friendship. However, how do you manage the conflicts that are bound to arise in any relationship, but risks destroying the good?
We are Gottman Trained Therapists in Calgary
Dr. Michael Haggstrom & Marcus Pankiw are both Gottman trained therapists. We use his effective researched methods in helping clients succeed. Our clients will learn:
- Gottman’s Seven Principles of Successful Relationships
- The 5 Stages of Conflict Resolutions
- Building Love Maps that Ensure Connection
- Turning Toward One Another
- Expressing Fondness and Admiration Effectively
- Managing Conflict and Overcome Gridlock
- Creating Shared Meaning
We help clients problem-solve the issues and develop the connection they need to make their relationships last. We use interactive methods to coach clients toward effective conflict resolution that improves connection.
Calgary Relationship Counselling & Communication
Gottman Trained Therapists
Here in Calgary, we offer quality relationship counselling to couples, friends, co-workers and families using the latest researched methods that work to fix relationship discord.
Call Us or Email. We are here to help – Dr. Michael Haggstrom & Marcus Pankiw, Calgary.